Op booked

Well I finally have a date for my gallbladder operation. The surgeon was very pleased that I had lost another stone, not quite as much as I hoped but excusable IMHO with our little addition to the family and all the adjusting we had to do!

Operation is not till March so I am hoping to lose another stone for that. The more I lose the less chance of complications, apparantly.

I still have another 2lb to go to my 3 stone for Christmas but as we are all flued up I think i will manage it this week as I dont feel like eating or drinking much.

Christmas is coming...

..the goose is getting fat.. and hopefully I will not be! As I said in my last post I am aiming for my 3 stone by Christmas. I am also hoping to just maintain over Christmas and not gain any weight, I think its too much to ask for to expecta loss!

The plan is to drink only white wine spritzers over the period but not count on Christmas Day and New Years day (when I am cooking a meal) but be mindful of my wish not to gain!

Oh and the picture was taking on Sunday, 37lbs down!! Only 7 stone to go arrrggghhh!! LOL one step at a time but still I am always amazed at the change in my body shape, that top is a size 18 (though it is a little tight)!!! That from a size 26!!!

Its been a while!!!

I haven't blogged for ages and ages.... mostly because I couldn't juggle all the balls required... you know... work, family, xmas coming up and of course adoping our little girl, sometimes you just have to drop one of the balls. Well now after much practise I am managing to juggle an extra ball - that being my weight loss so I have been back on track for a couple of weeks and well here I am!!!

I am aiming to get my 3 stone for Christmas, thats 5lb in the next three weeks.

Dangerous Ground

Despite not tracking I have managed to lose 3lbs since my little holiday. Now thats just great and I am thrilled but thats where I could start to fail. I am fairly mindful of what I am eating but I haven't exactly been good and thats dangerous ground to be on, giving me a confidence where I shouldn't have one if you see what I mean. Bad habits are creeping in and now I have a load of points to make up from the weekend with a hard week ahead where I may not have too much control over my meals.

I don't want to be 'stuck' again, losing slowly so I have got to be determined this week and I think my best way forward is to try and plan my evening meals (wherever I can) to be very low pointed as I am out during the day with no set plan of where or what I will be eating.

Oops!

Well, I didn't do so well at the weekend (as expected) I have eaten everything that I fancied and enjoyed it. Well never mind, I don't really care. I wasn't expecting to give myself a lifetime ban on the things that I enjoy, I just happened to eat most of them in one weekend.

So now I am home and back on plan, I am drinking my water and gearing myself up for a gain at the scales this weekend.

Incidentally that's me RUNNING in the photo (a rare sight indeed!)!

Keeping it in perspective...

When I first started ww again my hubby said something to me which has sort of stuck. Now when I tell you what he said it doesn't sound very supportive or helpful but actually it hit home.

I had gone over my points by eating something really blooming nice, can't for the life of me remember what it was but I was having a moan and a panic about it, as you do, and hubby turned round and said if you are going to be obsessive like this every time you you eat something nice you may as well stop going now.

I was a bit bloody shocked when he said it but actually he is right. When I am bad now, like last week, instead of getting too upset and obsessing about what I have done wrong I just think oh well, had a nice time, enjoyed it so now time to carry on! Oh you probably think I am sooo smug and self-righteous but I am just so happy that this time around I am getting it right.

In the past a blip has turned into a complete failure and one week of being too scared of going to the scales because of a holiday has turned into never going back to meetings. I mean come on, how ridiculous is that? Who am I scared of? My leader certainly wouldn't be bothered about a blip after a holiday? Maybe I am scared of showing lack of self control? Who knows...

This time I am determined not to fail but I am only human and can't do this perfectly with no gains at all...who can? I bet even bloody Kate Moss gains a pound or two on holiday!

Well this weekend I am going camping, last time I went I put 1lb on. Well I am going to put it into perspective...so I can read this when I get back... even if I gain a couple of pounds I will still have lost about 2 stone... even if I gain a couple of pounds its not nearly as much as I would gain if I wasn't doing ww and keeping some control... even if I gain 2lbs it will only take a couple of weeks to lose it again....

So I am looking forward to camping, looking forward to being nominated driver so I can keep some control, looking forward to picnics and meals out and looking forward to that cooked breakfast!!! and when I get back I hope my scales don't hide from me!

Letting Myself Down

Well I knew it would happen, I put on 1.5 lbs last week. Then to commiserate, I fed myself. I have eaten steak baguette, pizza, curry, chocolate, cake and drunk wine and cider - all in the space of one weekend. I enjoyed it at the time but now I have typed it out like that it just looks extravagant and greedy.

So today we are drawing a line, I would like to draw it in fluorescent pink so it stands out a mile.

The worst of it is, I have no weigh in this week because we are going camping on Thursday and last time we went camping I put on weight even though I was being careful so the next couple o weeks are going to be tough food wise.

At the end of the day I am only letting myself down but I am so annoyed with myself and annoyed with hubby for bringing home chocolate!

Race For Life 2008

Just wanted to share with you my elation at taking part in Race For Life at Shugborough Hall last night! A whole range of emotions, I felt great for raising £500 for Cancer Research, great for being able to walk the whole 5K without stopping, there were a lot that did and last year I probably would have been one of them, I felt buzzed to be in a crowd of women all with the same goal but then on the other hand reading all the memories on peoples backs, I myself had four names which is far too many people to lose to cancer. Beryl who died his year, Chris who was taken some years back now, Mavis who has fought Breast cancer and died and Pam who is fighting it right now.

There was also in particular the story of the little girl aged 4 who took part 'to raise money for people with cancer' only for her gran to add that the little girl was fighting cancer herself... how can you not well up at a story like that?

Oh and despite the downpour we smiled all the way through!

I'm A Mummy

Well it has all been made official. I am now the mummy to a nearly two year old toddler. I don't get to meet her until the end of July but weirdly I feel like I already know her! Anyway with all the celebrating this week and build up to the panel meeting and being in hospital on Tuesday I haven't had a particularly good weight-watchers week, but some weeks I just have to say oh well and just pull back what I can (hence the 0-point soup recipe below)! I have actually done quite well at sticking to the points this week it's just that I have wasted a lot on wine, fizz and crap!

Butternut Squash & Roast Veg Soup

This is a good recipe for leftover roasted veg and is how I actually invented the recipe!

Roast some veg in chilli infused olive oil - not a lot mind, we are weight watchers after all! I roasted garlic, red onion, red pepper, yellow pepper, courgettes and 1/3 butternut squash. I added some fresh thyme to mine too.

Chop up the rest of the butternut squash and chuck in a pan with some water - enough to amply cover all your veg. Boil up the squash with two chicken stock cubes (or vegetable if you prefer) and then add the roasted veg, instantly the delicious pepper smell hits you.

Boil for a further five minutes then blend. I also sieved mine to get rid of the texture of boiled butternut squash.

Mind blowing soup!

Had a good week again and another 2lb loss, this was despite going out for a meal on Friday night, normally not a good idea. We went to the new Thai restaurant on our road and I made wise choices (well except for the amount of wine I drank!). I started with Tom Yum soup, yummmmm is right, it was possibly the most delicious thing I have EVER tasted. Unfortunately it was also the hottest thing I have ever tasted and IT BLEW MY HEAD OFF! The owner warned me it was spicy before I started but also that the spice was good for the heart! A little later his lovely wife came over, "oooh you have lots of red chilli's in your bowl" snicker snicker and off she toddled away, giggling to herself. You're telling me I had chilli's in my bowl! That's me eating the soup, those red bits are chillies!Would I order it again? You bet I would!!!

What else? Lets see, I measured myself on Friday and am pleased to report losses in most areas (why not my bingo wings for heavens sake??) but particularly my waist and bust area, I can now shop for bra's pretty much anywhere including Matalan and Asda which is great because specialist shops are blooming expensive!!! So of course I treated myself to some new undies!

Its all going the right way!

I feel amazing every day. Why I didn't do this before, I have no idea. I feel fitter, I feel healthier, I am more inclined to put some make up on in a morning because I feel more like my old self!

Last night I went for a practice walk with my sister, practice for the Race For Life that we are taking part in next week. We were most of the way round and Dawn noticed some directions. The whole walk was 6.5k, more than we thought when we set out. I managed the walk pretty well and it took us 80 minites. However I did have a big dinner before we set out so I did have pain from my gallstones, so considering that I think I did pretty well!

On top of that this morning Mrs Neville, the lady who owns the land our allotment is on, commented on my weight loss! She is not the sort of person you would expect a comment from so I was really chuffed!

First Big Milestone Reached, 10% of me gone forever!

I feel like a million dollars! Today four or five important things happened. First I lost 2lb, yep brilliant. That 2 lbs took me to 2 stone loss, bloody, bloody brilliant. That 2 stone took me to my 10% goal, bloody bloody bloody brilliant and that 10% took me into the 'obese' range of the BMI scale rather than the morbildy obsese range, OK you know whats coming next BLOODY BLOODY BLOODY BLOODY BRILLIANT!!!

I am over the moon, so I went shopping with sister and treated myself to a lovely new top from Monsoon and that was another mini-nsv because 6 months ago I could not have contemplated it as they didn' go up to my size!

Now I just have to reign myself in because I have already had a high point lunch!

Exercise

I am quite pleased with myself (again! I seem to be feeling smug a lot of the time lately!) I got up this morning to do my workout dvd again. I have to say I really didn't feel like doing it and could have happily stayed in bed but no I got up. I have to keep up with this, my walk for life is in 2 weeks and I am worried!

The other night I went a short walk with Dawn and Zoe, my team-mates, and I was seriously out of breath and red-in-the-face after walking up the hill. Dawn has told me that the route is hilly so you can understand my worry. In my defence though I was having serious gallstone pain that day so I know that I have to be careful with what I eat on the day of the race.

Saturday Eating

Just for once I managed to be more careful on a Saturday.

Usually I go to my Weigh In which is in the morning, listen to Desra talking about Proteins, Motivation, Sugar, Exercise thinking, yes I can do that, then walk out the door and do the complete opposite. Saturday is my relaxed points day, hey its Saturday who wants to be on a diet on a Saturday?

I then spend the whole of the next week fighting to make up the points I have gone over with lunch out, wine, maybe a takeway or a meal out. So this week I had a plan. I got up and did an hours workout, had a low point breakfast, made myself some points free soup which I had with a bread roll and spent the day pampering myself (heaven - well it was my birthday!)

So we all met at the Indian, not my forst choice because of how high in fat it is, I drank copious amounts of wine (I think they might start classing me as a binge drinker) and ordered the lowest point meal I could. My sister was saying but its your birthday! Order what you want! They all thought I was mad because I said I would rather have the weight-loss than sauce!! But, to be honest, I really did want what I ordered and I really enjoyed it!

Sneaky Peak

OK, ok I know I shouldn't but despite not having a particularly great week food-wise my scales at home were the lowest they have ever been. Now this could be for a number of reasons. Firstly I have drunky my 2 litres of water ervy day this week, secondly I restarted my exercise dvd, thirdly I expeceted not to put on weight last week, lastly I gave just under half a litre of blood last night! Ha ha, Surely thats not the reason why?

Well anyway I shan't know anything until WI tomorrow!

I've lost a pug dog called Elvis!

Well I recently lost a whole Harry the Cavalier King Charles my own dog. I was supposed to be working and thought I wonder what dog weighs 23.5lbs? Well its a cute pug called Elvis!

Feeling on top of the world today. Completed my Rosemary Conley DVD all the way through for the first time ever! Sill keeping on top of my water intake and looking forward to my birthday on Saturday (providing I can get a table somewhere!)

Kick in the butt time

Gained half a pound last week when I thought I had been really good. OK I stayed within my points (well if you include exercise) but I ate a lot of sugary crap (i.e. curly wurlys), didn't do enough exercise really and definitely didn't hit my water quota.

I have to say I was a bit dissapointed especially as I now have no chance of making my mini-goal of getting my 10% on my birthday (this Saturday). Saying that, I am not too upset about it because I always knew it would be hard with my track record of STS and 1/2 losses, even when I am good.

So after a weekend of falling in the fridge mouth open-wide, despairing at my weight-gain, I am officially back on track. I have give myself a stern talking to. I got out my Rosemary Conley DVD (still the best I have tried), signed up for Race For Life (eek!) and have been drinking my water religiously. Now I really do need to step it up because I want to be a bit fitter for July 9th when I take part.

You can take a look at my Race For Life page by clicking here. If you are feleing a bit flush why not sponsor me or a great cause.

I bought a dress!

Another lb down, not sure if my goal of losing 2 stone by my birthday is attainable - I have to lose 2lb for the next 2 weeks but I will still be happy with what I have achieved so far!

I have been thinking about my loss and how I think about it. Is it just over 1 and a half stone? Or is it nearly two stone? You know that cup half empty of half full thing? Well I was adding my weight loss to weight watchers online tracker today and in the corner there is a box that shows your current loss. 1 stone 10lbs. Somehow it sounds better than saying just over 1 and a half stone! Sounds a lot more!! I am feeling very smug!

Something else, yesterday I bought a dress (in a size 22). This is a big deal for me! I had no particularly special occasion to buy the dress for but I took the plunge and bought it anyway. Now anyone who knows me well knows that I just don't do dresses, what they might not know is that I really long to wear dresses, beautiful pretty feminine dresses, cocktail dresses, summer dresses, shirt dresses but I just feel self-conscious and look really ridiculous in them. That is, until now. OK I am still a whale but I am a smaller whale so yesterday I decided to take the plunge and buy a dress. I hadn't thought about buying dress beforehand, it was a total impulse buy.

So I nervously took my purchase to the checkouts all the time thinking it was probably an unwise decision that I would inevitably have to return, I didn't try it on first as there was a huge queue and changing rooms? well I don't know about you but I just hate them.

I got home and apprehensively took my dress out of the bag and tried it on. It fit like a dream! Whats more I didn't feel too self-conscious in it. I know that I still look like a whale but I am a much smaller whale now so I decided to wear the dress during dinner last night (we had friends round) and I just felt buzzed to be wearing a dress for the first time in many years (not counting the occasions where have been under pressure to wear a dress and hated every minute of it!).

What's more, the dress was a size 22. Still a plus size but I started off at a size 24/26. Well to be honest actually a size 26 as my size 24 stuff was just too tight and I had been kidding myself that it fit. Now I can say I am a 22/24 depending on where I shop. (I will be mostly shopping in New Look so I can say I am a size 22!)

Doin' OK

Another weigh in tomorrow and I don't have that sense of impending doom! Its been a stressful week again but I haven't let it beat me into eating.

Tomorrow I am off out shopping with little sister then tomorrow night we are having friends round for Paella and drinks but at least i can count points because I know exactly whats in it!

Getting There...

Well I lost a whole 3lbs last week so I am on my way to my mini-goal of reaching my 10% on my birthday. My back feels better so I managed to do some digging too. However I let myself down on Saturday and ate far too much again. Sorry but I just can't resist hot chocolate fudge cake.

I wont post a lot today as there isn't a lot to tell!

A New Week aka Drawing A Line!

The odds were against me losing weight or even staying the same last week no matter how I tried, by Thursday I had more or less given up! So yes, I gained a whole pound (arrrrrgggghhhh!!!), not really a good start towards my new mini-goals!

Well, its now a new week and yes I did go over my points at the weekend, inevitable really with a party on Sunday afternoon but the good news is I didn't go enough points over to worry me, I can easily make them back up. I have been really good at drinking my 2 litres of water every day, with the exception of the party day because copious amounts of wine + 2 litres of water = making friends with the toilet and that's not much fun really. Plus you always get one person who loves to comment on people's toilet habits!

So here we go again, bad, stressful week over, now for a week of PMT but hopefully a weight loss too!

New goals

First hospital appointment out of the way, got just the result I wanted. They want to operate on my gall-bladder, which is great. The pain is so unbearable at times. I was worried that they would refuse because of my BMI. However, we did agree that we would wait a little longer so that I can lose a little more weight and get our adoption sorted out. Surgeon told me if the pain got too unbearable to phone and bring my next appointment forward. I really feel like he put the ball in my court and I am very happy with that. So that gives me an incentive for a new goal. My next appointment is in late November so I am hoping to lose at least one and a half stones for that appointment in 27 weeks time and hopefully two stones. Crikey! Just trying to imagine that in 6 months I will be 2 stones lighter!!

The other goal is a mini-goal and with my track record of STS and low WI's it might not be achievable but I am going to give it my best shot. So I aim to lose half a stone in the next 5 weeks. I usually average 1lb per week so I may struggle but if i could do it, well it would be the best birthday present ever! My birthday falls precisely on the 5th weigh-in. If I do lose that half a stone, on the same day I will achieve the following:

• Hit 2 stone loss
• Get my 10% award
• Get into the obese range of BMI instead of morbidly obese

I have started working towards it by upping my water intake, weighing anything I can. So fingers crossed, I can do this!

Oweee!

Oh the pain! I don't know what I have done but I had a bloody scare last night, so today I am taking it easy.

Where do i start? Well, I did some digging yesterday as I mentioned in my previous blog, got home had a bath. So far so good. Went to the in-laws for dinner, came home. I was sitting watching TV, nothing on as usual so I had a sudden fit of good intentions and decided that as I was doing nothing good with my time that I would strip the bed and do some ironing. Anybody who knows me well will know that this is highly unusual!

Anyway, I went upstairs followed by Chunky the Cat and Harry the Dog. Stripping the bed is never easy with a cat and a dog trying to curl up on it so I shooed the cat off the bed then went to pick him up to give him a cuddle and ohhhhhh the agony! I fell over with the most intense shooting pain through my hip. I could not walk whatsoever or bend over so ended up all night in bed. DH had to make the bed in the end so at least I got out of that and I was treated like a princess for the night! I considered asking for a little bell to tinkle when I needed a drink or something (not sure that would have gone down well!)

This morning I can at least walk, still experiencing some pain but now I can't do my rosemary conley DVD or do any digging to make up for all the bad stuff I have eaten this week! I had such good intentions for his week! Maybe my body was subconciously protesting at the thought of digging, ironing and keep fit!

Well we shall see what happens on Saturday. Other than that I have a stressful week coming up, no less than three hospital appointments, all for different things, though at least one is for the little girl we are adopting and not for me!

An eventful few days!

I am elated to tell you that following weigh in yesterday I have reached two goals, firstly I have now lost more than my dog weighs (pictured - 18lb), a goal which seemed to be evading me! Secondly, I reached my stone and a half after losing a whopping 3.5lbs this week (I knew it would catch up with me sooner or later!)

Also, on Friday to cheer myself up I treated myself to a lovely new blouse in the sale at Evans, a size lower so I could slim into it. I got home to see how tight it was and it fit perfectly! You could have knocked me down with a feather! So of course I was absolutely delighted to have a bargain buy, that fit beautifully and cheered me up a hundred times more than buying something that I thought would fit in the first place!

Now for the bad news! Hubby and I went to visit relatives in Oxforshire for the weekend, now that was ace in itself but I know that when I visit I always fall off the diet wagon, which of course I have done big style! I am hoping that some Wii fun, a walk and an hours digging when I got back will go someway to me at leats having a Stay The Same next weekend!

I have a few stressful things coming up this week so as per my last post, I need to watch my triggers.

Spotting triggers

I started writing this on Thursday but did not get time to finish it:

One of the things that I have got out of my 'journey' this time is that I am more mindful of my triggers. I am terrible for eating when either emotional or err drunk.



I had some mildly upsetting news this morning, after a little cry I ended up going out for a drive with hubby whilst he did his service calls so he could keep me company, bless his heart.



By the time he had finished it was after 1pm and boy was I hungry! We ended up calling in McDonalds, which I only agreed to because I was already fed up. However, eating out guide to hand I made the fairly wise choice of a McChicken Sandwich meal. Now I would really have much preferred a supersize big mac meal but I knew I only wanted the McDonalds to satisfy a need for comfort. I did treat myself t0 a cappucino though!



So trigger spotted and although not totally avoided I managed it carefully.

Allotment Update

After much digging we have two beds clear and have planted cabbages, leeks, onions, shallots and a million different varieties of lettuce.

Never mind the exercise if munching on all this no point veg doesn't help my weight loss then nothing will.

Soup ahoy!

Slowly does it...

I am still working really hard to stick to my points, and I can tell you I have never been so good. I didn't lose any weight on Saturday but I think that may be because of doing a lot of digging during the week. In fact I earned more than a whole days worth of points last week, and tempted as I was I only ate a few of the points. I have an aversion to eating exercise points, I never believe that I will lose weight if I eat them! Maybe I should, maybe then I would have lost some weight!

I am still happy, I would have loved to have a loss but over the weeks I am averaging about 1lb per week despite having two weeks of gaining and quite a few STS. I also know that last time I did a lot of exercise I barely lost any weight but had sudden inch losses so its time to get the tape measure out again!

Also, something I am really happy about, I went out on Saturday night in a lovely wrap-over top. I could fit into it before but could only just tie the wrap-over bit, I should see if I can dig out the photo of last time I wore it but the picture attached is from Saturday night. I also wore some trousers that I had bought to match the top but could not fit into at all so they were brand new! It's so nice for my clothes to fit so well!

Lastly, I bought some electronic scales from Ebay as I dropped my last scales so I am going to have a week of weighing everything, see if that makes any difference!

Mini Goals!

I was thinking about my mini goals, of course I have one every 7lbs and a bigger one every 14lbs, I still haven't reached that mini goal of losing as much as my dog weighs (18lbs) but that might be because of my dubious tracking (see post below).

I just decided to check my BMI to see if I could set another mini goal in between some of the others. So far I have dropped 4 points on the BMI chart from 44.5 to 41.5 and I am in the Very Obese range. I will hit the Obese range the same day as I lose 2 stone, which is also the day that I will hit my 10%, funny to think that I will also be celebrating being officially Obese!

So here are my upcoming mini-goals:

• Next goal 18lbs - same as my dog weighs (very close - only 1lb off)
• 21lbs (one and a half stone)
• 28lbs, 2 stone, 10% and officially obese! (only 11lbs to go - yikes!)
• To fit comfortably in a size 22 (nearly there!)

I am wondering if I can find something between the 21 and 28lbs, I love a celebration

Doh!

Some weeks I have felt that I really should have done better than I have, I haven't let it get me down too much, I just thought that maybe my body had it's own agenda. Well my body did have it's own little thing going on, it was enjoying with relish all the extra points I had been eating every week.

Somehow when I had worked out the points for my usual bread I had made a big mistake, so everytime I had two slices of toast for breakfast I was undercounting by a whole 1.5 points. Then if I had a sandwich that would be another 1.5 points, or if I had some bread and butter with my dinner? Another 1/2 a point.

I could cringe at all the extra points I have eaten over the last few months. Oh well at least I was still losing, however slowly it was! All I can say is DOH!

New Beginnings

Yesterday's talk was about exercise. I haven't done any for weeks as we are redecorating and I simply don't have the room to take 4 kick-steps forward, 4 kick-steps backwards and then 4 to each side! Our living room is our of bounds so our huge settee is squashed into our dining room with all the living room furniture and dining room furniture. If I kicked a little too hard my foot would go though the telly or something equally as bad! Anyway back to the point, as it happened, ten minutes before the meeting started, my other half phoned to say that we have an allotment!

Now that's what I call exercise! I am aching all over from digging the patch which is rather overgrown and we have only done about 1/6th of the patch so far! I am aiming to have muscles like Madonnas (is it me or are they just freakish at the moment??)

Realisations

I was reading a post on weightwatchers website yesterday about a lady who had eaten a bacon roll and was wondering whether to count it or not. "Of course you should", I replied authoritatively!

Then it hit me, the realisation that I have also been guilty of having a bite of something irresistible (like cheese) and thinking, well it was only a bite, or times when I have eaten too much and thought to myself shall I forget today and start again tomorrow? Shall I write everything down? or even just conveniently forgetting things like a cup of coffee with coffee mate or a weightwatchers cake slice, hey its only half a point or a point, really won't matter, hardly even touched the sides. As Desra helpfully points out, if you did that once a day it would be 7 points over in a week. A whole meal or sandwich worth of points.

So in conclusion as someone said on the weightwatchers board, "whats the point of that, you're only lying to yourself", so why the hell would I want to do that?

Seems we can be our own worst enemy but I want to be my own best friend!

Double portions

I have troughed my way through a whole prawn and pasta salad meant for two people today in one sitting, then followed it by a frusli bar.

It still didn't come in anywhere near in points to the sandwich demonstration by the lovely Desra, our leader. She got out her weightwatchers scales and made a sandwich on it (very time consuming). The sandwich was equivalant to one she makes often for her husband to take to work (and he has two of them), two slices of wholemeal bread, a layer of cheese (not a thick layer mind), margarine and some relish later and we are up to 18 points for one sandwich!

Give me the two portion salad at 6.5 points any day!

Oh and I thought I would just share my latest picture with you, taken today, it's so lovely and sunny I decided to take my laptop into the garden! The trousers I am wearing are the ones I bought in 2003 and haven't been able to fit into probably since 2003, not long after I bought them. OK I still look like a thunder-thighs but I feel so great everytime I put them on!

One of those weeks

Despite sticking to my points last week I managed to put on 1lb. Gutted! Why is this so hard?

I had a long hard think about what I had eaten (or drank). On some days I know that I did not use my points wisely, for instance last Tuesday I consumed a whole bottle of wine which I have not done for a long time! Also on Friday night, then night before weigh in I blew it. We went for a lovely curry but I drank far too much wine.

I have also decided to be more honest about my portion sizes, most days I have toast with benecol spread for breakfast but only put 2 teaspoons down for the benecol. We must have pretty large teaspoons in our house!

So heres to being honest!

Bra and clothes rant....

Happy this week, I managed to pour myself into two pairs of favourite trousers that didn't fit previously and one of those was a size 22. However, as good as that felt, I don't think it really means a lot, sizes vary so much between shops and styles, take for instance I have two pairs of jeans from Evans, both the same size but slightly different styles. The one pair now fit me beautifully, the other pair, I still can't even nearly do the buttons up despite losing over a stone, yet I can get into a whole size lower from a different store. It drives me batty. I buy so many clothes that are ill-fitting and I am the worlds worst at taking things back, I hang onto them in the false-hope that at some point they are going to fit.

The thing that really gets on my tits is bras (yes, pun-intended - ha ha!), I have measured and measured, been on different websites to check their bra fitting policies but can I get a bra to fit properly? No I cannot.

I know I am not a normal size, as such, being rather well-endowed in the 'bangers' area (bless you Gok Wan for that description) but how hard can it be to make bra sizes standard-ish. I either spill out over the top giving me weird lumps under my tops, over the sides with the wires rubbing furiously at my arms or the back strap rides up so far it nearly touches my neck, or worst of all I actually fall out the bottom of my bra (that is my current issue) and all of this is within a small range of sizes that I have desperately tried to see whether that the size for me.

At the minute I have two bras, same style, same shop, same size, one fits okish (a little big but sadly the best fit I have found) and the other not at all, its way too large, then I have another bra, different style, same shop but same size which is really so tight the band rubs my skin raw.

How on earth is this possible and what chance do I have if exactly the same product varies so much and then the same size varies so much within one store? I think I am just going to start bandaging my boobs in place and burn my bras!

Uh-oh

I hope I am going to do OK this week. Despite best intentions I have a feeling I may stay the same next Saturday. We went for a meal on Saturday night, normally I can cope well with this but this was a set menu (chicken in cream or salmon in cream) as it was a Round Table gathering. I must admit that I probably did eat too much during the day but I have found with the gallstones that if I am hungry it sets off an attack so I must be a bit more organised about my eating.

Over exageration

I was walking into town today, not really in any particular rush to stand in the endless queue in HSBC so I was just ambling along minding my own business, not particularly slowly but not at a gallop either, you could say more of a trot (am I really comparing myself to a horse?), anyway I can hear somebody approaching behind me. I then hear a sigh of impatience I assume because of my pace. Because I had heard the footsteps approaching I had already made sure there was plenty of room at one side of me for the lady in an obvious hurry to get somewhere.

The lady decides to ignore the fact that there is ample room on the pavement and steps off the pavement, about a half a metre into the road and into the oncoming traffic to get around me, having to practically run to avoid the car that is speeding down the road towards her, she was practically grunting with the effort.

Now I know I am a big girl but I am honestly not the width of a pavement plus half a metre on top (hubby and I can walk hand-in-hand quite happily you know without even overlapping the kerb) and this woman was so slim she would have easily gotten past me, I had also been polite enough to leave room for her.

Why on earth she had to endanger herself to make the point that I am fat and slow I have no idea but at least it amused me! Oh and just to add, why is it always the immaculate, designer clad, perfectly slim people who feel they have to make these self-important displays of disregard for us not quite so perfect, rather rounded people?

Sounds like a rant but it really did amuse me somewhat and I had a bit of a snigger behind her back.

The Princess and the Pea... was it just a case of PMT?

Not particularly diet related but I was just thinking about the fact that once again my skin is feeling ultra-sensitive, happens once a month and I can't bear the feel of things against my skin like rough clothes or the material on the settee, even typing feels like it bruises my tender little digits.

That somehow got me thinking about the princess and the pea (my mind works in mysterious ways) and I wondered whether the princess was just a chick with PMT or the fact that through 30-odd mattresses I would have felt the pea too? Does that make me a princess??

Life's Ups & Downs

Well I am feeling fairly positive about weightwatchers at the minute but other things are getting me down instead, it feels like life at the minute is a huge rollercoaster and I wanna get off!!! I am not a fan of rollercoasters, give me the vintage car ride anyday!

Last weigh in (after the weekend away) I put on 2lbs, that was OK by me, I thought it was going to be more than that! Despite going out for a meal on Saturday this week I think I am doing OK.

In a Bad Place

I'm in a bad place this morning. I am fed up of being overweight, I'm fed up of not being able to have whatever I want from a menu without thinking about my points, I'm fed up with not being able to have a few glasses of wine without worrying about the scales.

This weekend I tried to be restrained. I tried to make good choices and was constantly thinking about what I was doing and eating. My efforts were in vain. I still went over my points and I have stood on the scales again this morning and my weight has gone up another 1lb. So since last Thursday somehow I have managed to gain 5lbs. This is so unfair. I haven't eaten excessively. No mars bars, no puddings, I wasn't excessive in my alcohol intake. The points have come mostly from eating things that were high in points but a non-weight-watchers person probably wouldn't consider as particularly unhealthy for instance things like spaghetti bolognese or a beef sandwich, beans on toast.

No witty banter from me today. I am so fed up, I need to sort myself out and prepare myself for a bad weigh in on Saturday. I have been so restrained for so long and now I have undone all my hard work in a single weekend and you know what bugs me the most? I watch programmes like Supersize vs Superskinny and when they have the overweight person on they always eat a heck of a lot more than me and a lot more bad stuff too, crisps, chocolates, biscuits, doughnuts, cream cakes, sausage-rolls, pies, cheese sandwiches, the list is endless. Before weight-watchers I rarely ate any of this stuff, I was just unwise about what was going into my food, olive oil, fat in mince-meat etc. and this makes me mad.

Easter weekend 2008 (a.k.a. Internet Withdrawl)

I am sitting here on Easter Bank Holiday Monday on my computer. I have done barely anything else all day except for play ridiculous games on facebook and send people equally ridiculous virtual gifts via the powers of a wireless connection. I have listed a paltry 6 items on ebid which was my main purpose for being on the computer today (time for a blatant plug, if you like cardmaking and scrapbooking click here for my stuff!). I am utterly tired and have huge bags under my eyes from staring at my screen for too long. The reason for this? I think I was suffering facebook withdrawal after being away from an Internet connection for a mere three days!

We went to Salcombe in Devon and stayed in a caravan on a farm (we go there quite often) but I have to say that I let myself down quite badly. My usual weigh in on a Saturday was missed, I had no access to the Internet so I did not track anything I ate. I could not access the forums for support, I could not speak to my online chums. It was just me, Stu, Harry the dog and 3 dozen sheep and it was great! That's me walking Harry on Bolberry Soar and fighting the wind! (At least I can prove I got in some exercise this weekend!)

Now I just have to work extra hard this week to fight the extra lbs I must have gained this weekend (and yes, I have had a sneaky peek and I am utterly disgusted in myself!)

Feeling Fat & Frumpy

I had a funny day yesterday, I felt hungry, I mean really hungry. Before noon I managed to chomp through 1 bowl of Optivita, 2 cups of coffee, one packet of baked crisps, one weight watchers toffee bar, one banana and two plums. At 12.30 I polished all that off with two hot cross buns for lunch.

I felt quite cross with myself for eating so much but when I added it all up at the end of the day (with dinner of course) I was still within my points. How was that even possible? Before I started weight watchers I rarely used to snack. My dinners are no different really and I have always eaten breakfast. The only thing I have cut back on dramatically is wine and take-aways - oh yeah! That would be why it was possible!!

Anyway, yesterday I felt fat, spotty and frumpy (OK that's because despite losing a stone I am still fat and frumpy) and full of self loathing for eating so much. I can't seem to make my mind see that what I ate yesterday was quite healthy - I ate fruit and cereals with skimmed milk for goodness sake! So why do I feel so crap about it?

I think maybe its because when I look at my then and now photo I can't actually see any difference. There is a difference, after a whole stone gone of course there is, today I fit comfortably in a pair of trousers I haven't worn for 4 years or more. I have lost vast inches but I am still grossly overweight. I feel like what I have lost is a cup out of the ocean and no-one is going to notice for a long time yet.

I am not angling for compliments here, I just wanted to record how I felt for my own reasons. Now I am off to weigh the dog again!

One stone down, many more to go!

Yesterday I reached my first stone loss, I lost 4 lbs in total this week and its about blooming time after how hard I have tried to follow the plan. So a big whoo-hoo from me. As you can imagine I am ecstatically happy!

Mind you, I don't think the leader (Desra) was very impressed when she asked me what I had done differently this week. I told her I had quit exercise. I think she was imaging all her members quitting their exercise regime to get a bigger weight loss!

Don't worry lovely Desra, I'm back to the exercise tomorrow!

Mayo Hell and Bargains Galore!

I have been shopping today with the Mother-in-law for craft stuff but also went to return a bra to Evans that didn't fit, ended up with my bargain of the year, some lovely, bright, cropped trousers for a fiver! Very pleased with that.

I ended up having lunch at the Garden centre where the craft shop is and now I am suffering a suspected gallstone attack from eating jacket potato with prawns in mayonnaise. I have worked out that mayonnaise is a huge trigger for these attacks and I feel like hell. My stomach is hurting, my back is hurting and I am walking like an old woman. I know I shouldn't have ordered it but it seemed that everything on the menu was swimming in mayo (or it was a cake or pastry) and it was something I could point easily.

Oh well, at least I got a free plant out of the journey! I am looking forward to planting it with Stu this weekend. Ooh, also looking forward to getting weighed tomorrow!

Bloody Hell!

I blogged last week on my surprising inch loss and put it down to water retention. I thought no more about it but a week on I thought I would measure again, expecting nothing really. The measuring tape didn't lie! I have shrunk even more! I even tried putting the tape measure on the original measurements and it was far too loose for it to be a mistake.

So since 27th February I have lost a whopping 4 inches from my waist, 3 inches from my posterior and a couple of inches from my thigh. Unfortunately nothing from my bingo wings but I will have to have a work on that!

Anyway it's all gone. Gone, gone, gone NEVER TO RETURN and I am grinning like a maniac.

Now just to get down to looking like the woman in the picture!

I Feel Good d-d-do d-d-do

Whoa-oa-oa! I feel good, I knew that I would, now

Feeling a bit James Brown today.... anyone want to join me in a sing song?

Seven Mortal Sins

Today the Vatican announced seven sins for a modern age. Being obscenely wealthy? I wish!


These are the oriniganl sins and their punishments:

• Pride Broken on the wheel
• Envy Put in freezing water
• Gluttony Forced to eat rats, toads, and snakes
• Lust Smothered in fire and brimstone
• Anger Dismembered alive
• Greed Put in cauldrons of boiling oil
• SlothThrown in snake pits

I had a think about this and decided that I am doomed because I have encountered everyone of these sins in the last week, let alone the rest of my life!

• Pride because I am proud of taking control of my life and losing some weight
• Envy because I envy people who can wear skinny jeans and shop wherever they like
• Gluttony because I ate too much on Saturday and drank far too much wine
• Lust - besides lusting after DH, Gordon Ramsey and that fellow off grand designs (weird list, I know) I lust after big macs and chocolate fudge cake
• Anger not diet related but today I am angry at E-on for setting the hounds on us that are Fredrickson International for a bill that wasn't even ours, it was for somebody who lived in a house after we moved out. That just makes me want to eat with distress.
• Greed - the pictures show it all. I am a sinner. I have been greedy.
• Sloth - I didn't brush my hair or lift a finger on Sunday because I was too hungover and I still haven't done the hoovering or tackled that huge pile of ironing

Just shoot me now (or dismember me alive - your choice)!

Bumpety Bump Bump..chhrrrr clatter eek

That was the sound of me falling off the wagon then it coming back to run me over! Well it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Suffering a total hangover yesterday, I craved something salty so hubby was promptly desptached to McDonalds for a sausage and egg bagel. He came back with a sausage and egg bagel AND a hash brown. Well it had to be eaten, it cost me 30p you know! Down the hatch it went. To be honest I didn't enjoy the bagel that much, far too much cheese (did I really just say that?)

I spent most of yesterday being hungry and still went over my points all because of that bloody hash brown.

Falling off the wagon...

OK so all last week I was really good. Weigh in this morning only 1/2lb lost. In the last 4 weeks I have lost 2.5 lbs. I have been VERY VERY GOOD throughout (to the point of boredom). No falling off wagon, hardly any wine etc.

Today I have officially fallen off the wagon big style and boy am I gonna have to make up for it over the next week if I want to have a loss next saturday!

I feel like I am having to work extra hard this time around for little loss. In 9 weeks I have lost 10 lbs which is a lot really but doesn't feel like much when I see others posts...

*sighs* I think I am just having a bad day and have drunk too much wine to be posting on here!! (Oddly I have just realised my typing improves with alcohol!)

Reasons to be cheerful Pt II

1.2.3. (you know, like the song...)

1. My self control seems to changed for the better. Somehow I seemed to have trained my brain (either that or this is all a weird dream and I will wake up back at my original weight). Last night we went out for a curry. What I really, really wanted was samosas, chicken rogan, peshwari naan, wine, pilau rice and coffee with cream and an after eight (are you salivating yet?). This would have come in at well over a days points. I was very, very good. I had a poppadom with the bits that come with it, plain chicken tikka and a saag aloo, hubby ordered a keema naan so I wouldn't be tempted to nibble (I don't eat lamb - another story in itself). No coffee, no after eight, no wine. Now somebody give me a blooming medal!
2. Last Wednesday I measured myself. Last night I measured myself again and astonishingly I have lost 2lbs round my waist, an inch round my thigh and 1/2 inch off my butt and 1 inch from my bra band. Where did it all go? Did it come out in my poo? Surely I would have seen it? I must say that maybe I was retaining water last week with me having PMT but I am still pleased!
3. Last Saturday I got into the next stone bracket. No longer am I over 19 stone. Now I am over 18 stone. OK being 18 stone something doesn't sound like something I should be celebrating but I have been trying to get under 19 stone for so long now it felt like quite an achievement!

No Point Thai Butternut Squash Soup

A lovely, spicy, warming recipe that even hubby will eat!

Ingredients
Low fat cooking spray
1 large onion, chopped
2 sticks of celery, chopped
15g fresh ginger (I used the Barts ginger in the jar instead)
2-3 cloves garlic (ditto above)
2 lime leaves, shredded (optional)
2 tsp Thai 7-Spice
600g squash, peeled, de-seeded, chopped roughly
600ml vegetable stock
Handful fresh coriander (and extra to garnish)


Spray large pan with cooking spray and sauté the onion, celery, ginger, garlic & lime leaves for 5-6 minutes to soften.

Add Thai 7-spice and squash and stir together.

Pour in the stock, bring to the boil, cover and simmer for 20 minutes or until all vegetables are soft.

Chuck in the coriander and liquidise the soup until fairly smooth. Season to taste and sprinkle coriander on top.

Yummmmmmm!

Every Cloud...

Yesterday was the day our adoptive match attended hospital to see whether she had cerebral palsy or something else which would prevent her walking. We were hoping that we would have enough news for us to go back to panel. Unfortunately all they could tell us was that our match had some blood tests and we have to wait for the results.

Not exactly devastating news but enough to make me want to hit the biscuit barrel and swig lots of wine. I went to my local supermarket with every intention of buying wine. Fortunately I only went with a bit of cash in my pocket and by the time I had bought vegetables and something for dinner and some dressings on special offer I had no money left for wine! I could easily have asked hubby to pick some up on his way home but I thought about whether I really needed it and thought not really no.

So from yesterdays dark cloud I can take the silver lining that I am now a strong enough person to cope with whatever life throws at me without turning to the biscuit barrel or the wine.

Have I finally overcome my emotional eating?

A Sigh of Relief...

Well Mothers Day is over for another year... I actually got some flowers and a card off my dog. Harry thoughtfully signed it Woof woof woof grrrrrr... I have to say his pen skills are amazing. I was so overcome with emotion I cried my eyes out.

The meal was 'interesting'. the veg and roast potatoes undercooked, rude waitresses, they were totally understaffed meaning the service was poor but we made the most of it and had a good time anyway. Suffice to say we will not be returning any time soon, after all it was only a carvery and there are lots of good carvery restaurants around.

Now to confess my sins. I HAD CHOCOLATE FUDGE CAKE AND ENJOYED EVERY BLOOMING MOUTHFUL! I also had 3 glasses of wine when I got home and a packet of crisps but I didn't do too badly on my points and ate consciously.

I am relieved that its out the way, now just to save some points for curry on Wednesday!

Mothers Day

Today I have woken up in a bad mood. Those who know me well should know that today should have been my first mothers day (via adoption) but things have gone a little wrong and proceedings have been delayed. Its only by a couple of months but I was looking forward to this day with my little carrot. I have been very patient and understanding about the reasons but today I just feel cross.

We are going out with our parents and grandparents for a carvery Sunday lunch. I feel like loading my plate with a dozen roast potatoes, followed by a pudding and accompanied by copious amounts of wine.

I know if I did this I would be eating purely because of my emotions so today I have to be strong and really think about how the food will make me feel afterwards.

Obsessed...

Some days I feel like I can't stop thinking about food. I have to add that I am not sitting here drooling over the thought of fish and chips, big macs, pizza, chocolate fudge cake, ice cream, mars bars etc. No, I am worrying about how to fill my points up with not eating anything heavy and stodgy. Yep, tomorrow is weigh in day and I am dreading yet another week of staying the same after being so good.

To add to my fears I have committed the ultimate weightwatchers sin of standing on the scales at home during the week and not just once. Oh no. My obsession has extended to standing on the scales every single time I go to the bathroom (which is actually quite often as I am also trying to drink my water quota). This morning my weight has fluctuated up a whole 2 pounds since I got out of bed and I am fighting the urge to go upstairs for another check.

Attatched image from http://www.chrismadden.co.uk/, used for non-commercial use.

Triggers

Well after being so good all week last night I broke my diet. I didn't track all day, I spent the whole day clearing out my loft room in preparation for the arrival of mum and dad. By 6pm I was utterly exhausted and in need of naughties. Husband had eaten my last packet of baked crisps so there was nothing for it. 3 glasses of wine and an Indian takeaway later I was feeling extremely sorry for myself. I turned on my laptop with some trepidation and logged into the online tracker and worked out all my sins and was delighted to find out that for the day I had only gone over my points by 2 points! Hoorah! I must say that I chose wisely from the menu and didn't eat until I was completely stuffed to the point of total discomfort so I am very, very pleased with myself. Harry the dog is also pleased because he hoovered up my substantial leftovers with relish.

On another good note, yesterday my bra broke. OK so that's not so good but I though that seeing as I would now have to buy another new bra (I get through them at an amazing rate) I would measure myself and yay I am a whole cup size smaller! Brilliant!

P.S. If anyone can design a bra where the wire doesn't pop out and poke you in the eye after 2 months of wear I would be your top customer.

Gall Stones

I have been having agonising stomach and rib pain for some years now, two doctors both told me it was indigestion. I never really believed this because I rarely get acid or heartburn but hey-ho I went away with the diagnosis and a prescription for Gaviscon like a good girl. Anyway after a couple of bad attacks recently I opted for a bit of self-diagnosis and came up with gallstones. I re-visited my doctor and suggested this and she agreed that I could be right and is finally sending me for some scans. This is such a relief, at last, someone listening to me. I know what indigestion feels like and the pains are not indigestion, and it makes you feel like such a fraud when you are crying off functions with bad stomach pains and moaning and whinging like an old woman about the chronic back pain.

I can't describe to you the agony of the pain but I am so ashamed of myself as really it a self-inflicted problem. Too much cholesterol. Too much wine. Too much good living. And this is exactly the kick up the backside that I really need. Joining weight watchers was a good start to the year. I have bought a fitness video by Rosemary Conley and started to go swimming. Now I just need to step it up a bit. Apparently losing weight can cause attacks when you have gallstones which is probably why I have been having more severe attacks recently.

And guess what? I have always argued that despite being really overweight I am fairly fit and healthy. Well obviously I wasn't as healthy as I thought and I have been kidding myself.

In my defence I have never been one for cream cakes or crisps or ice cream and snacking between meals. I was just too lazy too cook every night resulting in take-aways and far too much wine.

I now have a list of bad and good foods (thanks to the internet) and its been like an instant cure for my pain! I feel great! Now I just have to get past the fact that I have to live without alcohol, cheese, ice-cream, eggs, coffee (proving impossible), sweetcorn, beans and more still... Ah well. I would rather feel good than eat something and have the pain!

Reasons to be cheerful...

1.2.3.

1. I took the safety pin that is permantly affixed to my favourite blouse and hey it no longer gapes! Yippeee! I chucked the safety pin in the bin as a symbolic gesture. (Don't worry I have a draw full of them for emergencies.)


2. I can now fasten up my jacket (the one I am wearing in the picture). I have never been able to do that since I bought it! Yes I know I should have sent it back but I liked it so much I wore it as soon as it arrived!


3. The lbs are finally shifting again. I have had a period of some weeks where my weight would not budge. I can tell in my clothes I am losing weight but the scales are stubbornly defiant. I know that because I have started to do some excercise it may be because of fat turning to muscle etc. but it is so disheartening to be so good and stick to my plan only to lose 1lb in three weeks!

These are my three reasons to be cheerful today and boy do I feel cheerful!