Feeling great...

Bit of a wobbly start to the week again but nowhere near as bad as last weekend. Feeling very determined this week. Took the dog a long walk last night and for once he didn't hunker down halfway up the street. My poor Harry has allergy problems and a dodgy leg and walking is a real problem for him as much as he loves it.

At the moment I am cooking Roasted Tomato soup. Thats really good for me, I have meal out tonight so planned this from last night. I am proudly polishing my halo right now!

Well it happened...

Two weeks into being good and I put on weight. It was inevitable really considering the start of the week I had, but it could have been a lot worse if I hadn't tried to claw back the points. In the end I only put on half a pound whereas I reckon it could have been 1-2 lbs if I had carried on as I was.

So now I am back to a new week again. DH was a saboteur yesterday and bought the biggest chocolate cake you have ever seen for dessert so I need to keep away from that and we have a meal booked tomorrow night for our 14th anniversary but as its Mediterranean food I think it will be fairly healthy. We debated going Mexican but then I thought about the sour cream and guacamole and tortilla wraps and decided it would be a catastrophe!

So here we go again!

The she-devil in my head...

This is the first day I have struggled since re-starting and its purely because I am feeling low and to be be honest a little bit lonely.

My neice and nephews are visiting from the USA for just over a month and nanny and granddad are determined that my daughter spends as much time with them as possible.

This is on top of me recently having a heavy workload so they have been minding her for a couple of days a week already, the days she is not at nursery, hence I feel like we are not getting much time together at all at the moment and how can I refuse her time with her cousins, she loves playing with them so much.

As well as that, being self-employed can be a little lonely anyway so here I am chatting to well.... basically.... my computer. I haven't spoken to anybody else all day and the little she-devil in my head is taking the opportunity to make herself heard.

This morning I have already eaten a ww oaty bar and a ww caramel whip (it's a good job I have some in the cupboard else who knows what I would have scoffed!). By blogging here I am hoping that it will give me some determination not to eat anything else today that is not in my plan.

I am now trying to invoke the angel iny my head to fight the evil lady!

What a dope I am! Pt II

OK, the second reason I am a dope is because I didn't track between Saturday weigh-in and Tuesday. This was mostly due to being very busy but a little to do with being scared of how bad I had been.

Saturday was a meal out and wine, Sunday a picnic at drayton manor followed by wine and Chinese and Monday was a long day work followed by Fish and Chips and wine.

However, I could have done a lot worse. At some points I have made a conscious decision to eat a low point alternative eg. instead of having a dessert after my meal on Saturday I waited till I got home and tucked into a solero instead and I did a low point fat tuna and mixed bean salad (which was massive and very filling) for my picnic whilst hubby and daughter tucked into cheese sandwiches and when everybody had ice-creams I chose a twister at only 2 points instead. So yes I have gone over my points massively this week but after taking a deep breath and tracking it all yesterday I realised I could just about scrape most of it back as long as I do some walking and reduce my points for the rest of the week. So that means no treats, no wine but some nice thoughtfully planned dinners. I am struggling with the exercise as I have hurt my ankle but I am doing what I can. How about that for positivity!

What I dope I am!

Well weigh in was interesting this week, by the scales at home I was expecting approximately a 4lb loss (not a usual occurrence so I was quite excited) so I was surprised when I saw the weight and my leader uttered the words "2.5 lbs, well done". Are you sure? I asked. Yes 2.5lbs. I was looking at the scales and thinking to myself, well I'm sure that is 4.5lbs lighter than last week...

Well, I looked at my card and sure enough it was 2.5lbs. For some reason I had it in my head that my weight last week was 18st 12.5lbs when in fact it was 18stone 10.5lbs. So in a way I was 4.5lbs lighter but instead of being instantly elated at losing 2.5lbs I was just momentarily confused and I never got to do a beg YeeEEEEEEEs . I left the scales muttering about what an idiot I was! Well anyway, I am very pleased at the loss after trying so hard all week.

Some maths!

We are booking our holiday for June next year and I was mulling over how long away that is and realised if I lost an average of 1lb per week I could be just over 4 stone lighter by the time we go! We have a date set in mind, we want to be away for my birthday so its sort of a double incentive. So in total that's 51 weigh ins.

I am a little anxious about setting such a big goal - despite the time scale I have to do it in and also my track record shows I am not good at maintaining 1lb a week, even when I was being good I didn't really manage that much but I figured that even if I managed to do around 1/2 a pound a week that would still be 2 stone and my weight loss will probably be somewhere in between. Right, that's it, its going on the goal list!

Definitely better

I just re-read my last two posts and crikey what a difference! It actually sounds like I am going to do it this time!

A High Point

I'm going to put a positive spin on this post by calling it a high point. I could think that I am at an even lower point than my last post but I this time I have decided that's the wrong way to think, hence the title. So, the family is well, the business is good and stable so for a change I can and will put myself first.

Well to complete the picture, I did go back up to a size 22 and am at the minute pushing a size 24. I have found the last couple of years a bit stressful and weight watchers was the lowest priority. I continued to help at the meetings but have regained most of the weight I lost. I have pains in my feet, especially in the mornings, I am out of breath all the time again and generally feel too tired and end up in that crazy vicious circle of being so tired by teatime that i can't be bothered to cook properly and end up eating crap and drinking wine every night.

On the positive sideI have now lost 10.5lb since my biggest weight and at least I haven't put it all back on. If I hadn't been going to the meetings every week perhaps I would have done. So that's good right?

I am going to wipe all my previous weight losses, reset my goals and call this week 1 again. This is after all a new start and I think it might not be helpful to have ghosts of my past weight loss haunting my page. Last night I re-took all my measurements again and I tracked all day yesterday so am automatically feeling happier today. Mad isn't it, how we make ourselves so sad?

My Lowest Point.

Well, its been a long time since I blogged (again). Since my operation I just can't seem to keep on track. I couldn't go the gym for 3 months after my operation, then I started eating like I have never done before, drinking and snacking every single night to relax after tough days with DD or just to cheer myself up or to treat myself (ringing any bells?), then I started getting really depressed and feeling like I didn't want to get out of bed in the mornings, crying at the slightest thing, getting narky and resentful of everything in my life, desperate that things just felt wrong.

I looked up depression on the nhs website and all of the bad habits I was forming, combined, could lead to depression. Too much sugar, too much alcohol and not enough excercise. Luckily the peak of my depression came at the point where I was able to re-join the gym and start excercising again so that was my first step towards regaining control and it has helped me feel better. However I am finding it tough to give up those bad habits I formed since the operation so I am fighting just to maintain at the moment.

If you have read my blog, this feeling down and in utter despair is just not me. I like to think that I am a positive and generally cheerful person. I am however determined not to gain anymore weight. I have thrown out all of my clothes in bigger sizes, so I really can't afford to gain any more weight. When I went on my last holidays in May I managed to fit in a size 18 shorts but I don't think I will be able to do that in September but I am determined not to go back up to a size 22.

Restarting my blog is a positive step. The next positive step.

A Year In...

So its about a year since I started WW, taking stock, sometimes I feel like I am not doing very well, especially compared to others who lose consistently and have lost far more in a year or the same in a lot less time. Overall I haven't even managed 1lb per week but I don't care because when I think about it in real terms I have lost 3 stone and 3 dress sizes. Thats no mean feat and lets face it, it didn't go on overnight so I am not expecting it to go overnight either!

I have some new goals too, we have family coming over in July so I would like to have lost at least another stone but preferably 1.5 stone. I don't want to aim higher than that as I know life doesn't always go to plan so thats allowing for a couple of gains here and there.