In a Bad Place

I'm in a bad place this morning. I am fed up of being overweight, I'm fed up of not being able to have whatever I want from a menu without thinking about my points, I'm fed up with not being able to have a few glasses of wine without worrying about the scales.

This weekend I tried to be restrained. I tried to make good choices and was constantly thinking about what I was doing and eating. My efforts were in vain. I still went over my points and I have stood on the scales again this morning and my weight has gone up another 1lb. So since last Thursday somehow I have managed to gain 5lbs. This is so unfair. I haven't eaten excessively. No mars bars, no puddings, I wasn't excessive in my alcohol intake. The points have come mostly from eating things that were high in points but a non-weight-watchers person probably wouldn't consider as particularly unhealthy for instance things like spaghetti bolognese or a beef sandwich, beans on toast.

No witty banter from me today. I am so fed up, I need to sort myself out and prepare myself for a bad weigh in on Saturday. I have been so restrained for so long and now I have undone all my hard work in a single weekend and you know what bugs me the most? I watch programmes like Supersize vs Superskinny and when they have the overweight person on they always eat a heck of a lot more than me and a lot more bad stuff too, crisps, chocolates, biscuits, doughnuts, cream cakes, sausage-rolls, pies, cheese sandwiches, the list is endless. Before weight-watchers I rarely ate any of this stuff, I was just unwise about what was going into my food, olive oil, fat in mince-meat etc. and this makes me mad.

Easter weekend 2008 (a.k.a. Internet Withdrawl)

I am sitting here on Easter Bank Holiday Monday on my computer. I have done barely anything else all day except for play ridiculous games on facebook and send people equally ridiculous virtual gifts via the powers of a wireless connection. I have listed a paltry 6 items on ebid which was my main purpose for being on the computer today (time for a blatant plug, if you like cardmaking and scrapbooking click here for my stuff!). I am utterly tired and have huge bags under my eyes from staring at my screen for too long. The reason for this? I think I was suffering facebook withdrawal after being away from an Internet connection for a mere three days!

We went to Salcombe in Devon and stayed in a caravan on a farm (we go there quite often) but I have to say that I let myself down quite badly. My usual weigh in on a Saturday was missed, I had no access to the Internet so I did not track anything I ate. I could not access the forums for support, I could not speak to my online chums. It was just me, Stu, Harry the dog and 3 dozen sheep and it was great! That's me walking Harry on Bolberry Soar and fighting the wind! (At least I can prove I got in some exercise this weekend!)

Now I just have to work extra hard this week to fight the extra lbs I must have gained this weekend (and yes, I have had a sneaky peek and I am utterly disgusted in myself!)

Feeling Fat & Frumpy

I had a funny day yesterday, I felt hungry, I mean really hungry. Before noon I managed to chomp through 1 bowl of Optivita, 2 cups of coffee, one packet of baked crisps, one weight watchers toffee bar, one banana and two plums. At 12.30 I polished all that off with two hot cross buns for lunch.

I felt quite cross with myself for eating so much but when I added it all up at the end of the day (with dinner of course) I was still within my points. How was that even possible? Before I started weight watchers I rarely used to snack. My dinners are no different really and I have always eaten breakfast. The only thing I have cut back on dramatically is wine and take-aways - oh yeah! That would be why it was possible!!

Anyway, yesterday I felt fat, spotty and frumpy (OK that's because despite losing a stone I am still fat and frumpy) and full of self loathing for eating so much. I can't seem to make my mind see that what I ate yesterday was quite healthy - I ate fruit and cereals with skimmed milk for goodness sake! So why do I feel so crap about it?

I think maybe its because when I look at my then and now photo I can't actually see any difference. There is a difference, after a whole stone gone of course there is, today I fit comfortably in a pair of trousers I haven't worn for 4 years or more. I have lost vast inches but I am still grossly overweight. I feel like what I have lost is a cup out of the ocean and no-one is going to notice for a long time yet.

I am not angling for compliments here, I just wanted to record how I felt for my own reasons. Now I am off to weigh the dog again!

One stone down, many more to go!

Yesterday I reached my first stone loss, I lost 4 lbs in total this week and its about blooming time after how hard I have tried to follow the plan. So a big whoo-hoo from me. As you can imagine I am ecstatically happy!

Mind you, I don't think the leader (Desra) was very impressed when she asked me what I had done differently this week. I told her I had quit exercise. I think she was imaging all her members quitting their exercise regime to get a bigger weight loss!

Don't worry lovely Desra, I'm back to the exercise tomorrow!

Mayo Hell and Bargains Galore!

I have been shopping today with the Mother-in-law for craft stuff but also went to return a bra to Evans that didn't fit, ended up with my bargain of the year, some lovely, bright, cropped trousers for a fiver! Very pleased with that.

I ended up having lunch at the Garden centre where the craft shop is and now I am suffering a suspected gallstone attack from eating jacket potato with prawns in mayonnaise. I have worked out that mayonnaise is a huge trigger for these attacks and I feel like hell. My stomach is hurting, my back is hurting and I am walking like an old woman. I know I shouldn't have ordered it but it seemed that everything on the menu was swimming in mayo (or it was a cake or pastry) and it was something I could point easily.

Oh well, at least I got a free plant out of the journey! I am looking forward to planting it with Stu this weekend. Ooh, also looking forward to getting weighed tomorrow!

Bloody Hell!

I blogged last week on my surprising inch loss and put it down to water retention. I thought no more about it but a week on I thought I would measure again, expecting nothing really. The measuring tape didn't lie! I have shrunk even more! I even tried putting the tape measure on the original measurements and it was far too loose for it to be a mistake.

So since 27th February I have lost a whopping 4 inches from my waist, 3 inches from my posterior and a couple of inches from my thigh. Unfortunately nothing from my bingo wings but I will have to have a work on that!

Anyway it's all gone. Gone, gone, gone NEVER TO RETURN and I am grinning like a maniac.

Now just to get down to looking like the woman in the picture!

I Feel Good d-d-do d-d-do

Whoa-oa-oa! I feel good, I knew that I would, now

Feeling a bit James Brown today.... anyone want to join me in a sing song?

Seven Mortal Sins

Today the Vatican announced seven sins for a modern age. Being obscenely wealthy? I wish!


These are the oriniganl sins and their punishments:

• Pride Broken on the wheel
• Envy Put in freezing water
• Gluttony Forced to eat rats, toads, and snakes
• Lust Smothered in fire and brimstone
• Anger Dismembered alive
• Greed Put in cauldrons of boiling oil
• SlothThrown in snake pits

I had a think about this and decided that I am doomed because I have encountered everyone of these sins in the last week, let alone the rest of my life!

• Pride because I am proud of taking control of my life and losing some weight
• Envy because I envy people who can wear skinny jeans and shop wherever they like
• Gluttony because I ate too much on Saturday and drank far too much wine
• Lust - besides lusting after DH, Gordon Ramsey and that fellow off grand designs (weird list, I know) I lust after big macs and chocolate fudge cake
• Anger not diet related but today I am angry at E-on for setting the hounds on us that are Fredrickson International for a bill that wasn't even ours, it was for somebody who lived in a house after we moved out. That just makes me want to eat with distress.
• Greed - the pictures show it all. I am a sinner. I have been greedy.
• Sloth - I didn't brush my hair or lift a finger on Sunday because I was too hungover and I still haven't done the hoovering or tackled that huge pile of ironing

Just shoot me now (or dismember me alive - your choice)!

Bumpety Bump Bump..chhrrrr clatter eek

That was the sound of me falling off the wagon then it coming back to run me over! Well it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Suffering a total hangover yesterday, I craved something salty so hubby was promptly desptached to McDonalds for a sausage and egg bagel. He came back with a sausage and egg bagel AND a hash brown. Well it had to be eaten, it cost me 30p you know! Down the hatch it went. To be honest I didn't enjoy the bagel that much, far too much cheese (did I really just say that?)

I spent most of yesterday being hungry and still went over my points all because of that bloody hash brown.

Falling off the wagon...

OK so all last week I was really good. Weigh in this morning only 1/2lb lost. In the last 4 weeks I have lost 2.5 lbs. I have been VERY VERY GOOD throughout (to the point of boredom). No falling off wagon, hardly any wine etc.

Today I have officially fallen off the wagon big style and boy am I gonna have to make up for it over the next week if I want to have a loss next saturday!

I feel like I am having to work extra hard this time around for little loss. In 9 weeks I have lost 10 lbs which is a lot really but doesn't feel like much when I see others posts...

*sighs* I think I am just having a bad day and have drunk too much wine to be posting on here!! (Oddly I have just realised my typing improves with alcohol!)

Reasons to be cheerful Pt II

1.2.3. (you know, like the song...)

1. My self control seems to changed for the better. Somehow I seemed to have trained my brain (either that or this is all a weird dream and I will wake up back at my original weight). Last night we went out for a curry. What I really, really wanted was samosas, chicken rogan, peshwari naan, wine, pilau rice and coffee with cream and an after eight (are you salivating yet?). This would have come in at well over a days points. I was very, very good. I had a poppadom with the bits that come with it, plain chicken tikka and a saag aloo, hubby ordered a keema naan so I wouldn't be tempted to nibble (I don't eat lamb - another story in itself). No coffee, no after eight, no wine. Now somebody give me a blooming medal!
2. Last Wednesday I measured myself. Last night I measured myself again and astonishingly I have lost 2lbs round my waist, an inch round my thigh and 1/2 inch off my butt and 1 inch from my bra band. Where did it all go? Did it come out in my poo? Surely I would have seen it? I must say that maybe I was retaining water last week with me having PMT but I am still pleased!
3. Last Saturday I got into the next stone bracket. No longer am I over 19 stone. Now I am over 18 stone. OK being 18 stone something doesn't sound like something I should be celebrating but I have been trying to get under 19 stone for so long now it felt like quite an achievement!

No Point Thai Butternut Squash Soup

A lovely, spicy, warming recipe that even hubby will eat!

Ingredients
Low fat cooking spray
1 large onion, chopped
2 sticks of celery, chopped
15g fresh ginger (I used the Barts ginger in the jar instead)
2-3 cloves garlic (ditto above)
2 lime leaves, shredded (optional)
2 tsp Thai 7-Spice
600g squash, peeled, de-seeded, chopped roughly
600ml vegetable stock
Handful fresh coriander (and extra to garnish)


Spray large pan with cooking spray and sauté the onion, celery, ginger, garlic & lime leaves for 5-6 minutes to soften.

Add Thai 7-spice and squash and stir together.

Pour in the stock, bring to the boil, cover and simmer for 20 minutes or until all vegetables are soft.

Chuck in the coriander and liquidise the soup until fairly smooth. Season to taste and sprinkle coriander on top.

Yummmmmmm!

Every Cloud...

Yesterday was the day our adoptive match attended hospital to see whether she had cerebral palsy or something else which would prevent her walking. We were hoping that we would have enough news for us to go back to panel. Unfortunately all they could tell us was that our match had some blood tests and we have to wait for the results.

Not exactly devastating news but enough to make me want to hit the biscuit barrel and swig lots of wine. I went to my local supermarket with every intention of buying wine. Fortunately I only went with a bit of cash in my pocket and by the time I had bought vegetables and something for dinner and some dressings on special offer I had no money left for wine! I could easily have asked hubby to pick some up on his way home but I thought about whether I really needed it and thought not really no.

So from yesterdays dark cloud I can take the silver lining that I am now a strong enough person to cope with whatever life throws at me without turning to the biscuit barrel or the wine.

Have I finally overcome my emotional eating?

A Sigh of Relief...

Well Mothers Day is over for another year... I actually got some flowers and a card off my dog. Harry thoughtfully signed it Woof woof woof grrrrrr... I have to say his pen skills are amazing. I was so overcome with emotion I cried my eyes out.

The meal was 'interesting'. the veg and roast potatoes undercooked, rude waitresses, they were totally understaffed meaning the service was poor but we made the most of it and had a good time anyway. Suffice to say we will not be returning any time soon, after all it was only a carvery and there are lots of good carvery restaurants around.

Now to confess my sins. I HAD CHOCOLATE FUDGE CAKE AND ENJOYED EVERY BLOOMING MOUTHFUL! I also had 3 glasses of wine when I got home and a packet of crisps but I didn't do too badly on my points and ate consciously.

I am relieved that its out the way, now just to save some points for curry on Wednesday!

Mothers Day

Today I have woken up in a bad mood. Those who know me well should know that today should have been my first mothers day (via adoption) but things have gone a little wrong and proceedings have been delayed. Its only by a couple of months but I was looking forward to this day with my little carrot. I have been very patient and understanding about the reasons but today I just feel cross.

We are going out with our parents and grandparents for a carvery Sunday lunch. I feel like loading my plate with a dozen roast potatoes, followed by a pudding and accompanied by copious amounts of wine.

I know if I did this I would be eating purely because of my emotions so today I have to be strong and really think about how the food will make me feel afterwards.